STARTREK: THE NEW COLLEGE GENERATION SEASON 2 EPISODE 4: REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED LUKE WARM Written by Spaceman Spiff With Creative Credit to Da Teach ================================================================= Credits Captain Picard........................Jeffery Commander Riker.......................Peeeter Lt Commander Data.......................SPiff Lt Worf.................................ROCK! Ensign of the Week......................Jaime Counselor Troi................Heather Higgins Lt Geordi La Forge.........Col Hafez Al Baruk Dr Beverly Crusher......................Anita Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher.......Timmy Dude ================================================================= [Exterior shot of the Enterprise cruising at low warp] Picard: (Voice over) Captain's Log. Stardate 47023.4. After completing yet another routine survey mission during which the ship was AGAIN nearly destroyed, we are heading for Starbase 28008 for a refit. (beeping noises in the back ground. Rewinding noises) For a refit. For a refit. For a refit. For a refit.... [Switch to shot of Picard in his ready room, sitting at his desk and holding a PAD log recorder.] Picard: (muttering) Damn machine! The ship is going to hell! (He hits the PADD against his desk vigorously and repeatedly as it continues to repeat "for a refit." in Picard's voice.) [The door chimes] Picard: (stops assaulting his PADD and rolls his eyes. Not sure what to do, he sits on the PADD, but we can still barely hear it chattering away, muffled by his chair and buttocks.) Come! [The door slides open with a whoosh and Riker enters.] Riker: (takes a step towards the Captain's desk the stands at ease.) Sir! I wanted to discuss some of the personal changes that will be occurring when we put into starbase. Picard: Of course Number One, take a seat. (Picard gestures to the chair in front of his desk) [Riker approaches the chair and begins to sit, but is interrupted by a sharp high pitched yip. Riker jumps back up and removes a little dog from his chair, gently setting it on the floor.] Riker: (to himself under his breath) Thank god it wasn't Data's cat! (to Picard) If you don't mind sir, I'll stand. Picard: Not at all. [Riker turns and we see that he now has a hole in his trousers. The PADD Picard is concealing suddenly grows in volume and we hear Picard's voice come from under his rump.] PADD: A note to myself, remember to order Data not to tell about that night that.... Riker: (spins around to face Picard and is bewildered) Picard: (red in the face) Excuse me. [Picard removes the PADD from it's hiding place and flings it down on the floor with all his strength. He begins to stomp on it with the heal of his boot.] PADD: (continues in Picard's voice) ...it's really no ones business what I wear under my uniform.... Riker: (rolls his eyes) [Picard, flustered and exasperated pulls out his phaser and vaporizes the PADD... and the deck plate. Women start screaming and steam rises through the hole in the floor. Riker walks over and peers though the hole with Picard.] Picard: (shocked) My God.... Ladies. Excuse me. Riker: (excited) Hubba, hubba! Captain, you never told me that your ready room was above the female officers' shower. [The red alert siren sounds and the intercom chirps.] Data's Voice: Picard to the bridge. We have picked up a Borg ship on long range sensors. Picard: (snaps to attention like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar.) On my way. [Picard starts for the door and turns to see Riker still drooling at the hole in the floor.] Picard: Number one... Riker: (not distracted one bit) Oh, go on Captain. I'm sure you can handle the Borg with out me. Picard: (thinks for one second and smiles) By God! Your right Number One. Last time I handled the Borg beautifully by myself, didn't I. I remember that episode like it was yesterday.... (Picard turns with confidence and exits to the bridge.) Riker: (Stands drooling and then takes notice of the situation) Uh oh! On second though..... (waves to the hole in the floor) See you later ladies. (Riker rushes out after Picard.) [Opening Music and Credits] [New Scene: Bridge of the Enterprise. Worf is at tactical. Data at Ops. Ensign of the Week at navigation. Troi in the seat on the Captain's right. Riker enters and sits in his chair to the Captain's left. Riker still has an embarrassing hole in his pants and Troi smirks as he walks by. Picard steps towards the main viewer and stands between ops and navigation.] Picard: (to Data) Status! Data: A Borg cube has appeared on main sensors. The USS Britannia is in pursuit.... Picard: (shocked) Pursuit! Are the suicidal?!?! Data: (turns to face the captain) This particular Borg cube has reportedly illegally parked at four separate Federation planets on six separate occasions. All of the tickets and fines are outstanding for this cube. The Britannia has been ordered to intercept the Borg, take them into custody, revoke their license, and impound their "cube." Picard: Oh. (scratches his head) Well, I think we should let the Borg park their cube where ever they damn well want to! Data, you didn't see this. We'll just ignore it. Continue on course. Worf: Sir. Apparently parking and transportation feels differently..... We have just receive a level one communique from Star Fleet HQ (the camera dramatically zooms in until Worf's face fills the screen) We are to engage the Borg. [Dramatic trumpet fanfare in the background music. The camera shot of Worf does not change.] Riker: (off camera to Worf) Worf, is that a bugger hanging from you nose? [Worf, embarrassed, quickly covers his face with his hand. The camera angle changes back to show the whole bridge.] Picard: (stands and turns to Riker) Well Number One, I have just decided that I should take that vacation you are always trying to get me to take and as a matter a fact, I think I'll take it right now. So I'll just be going. You have the bridge.... (starts moving towards the aft turbo lift) Troi: (master of the obvious) Captain, I sense anxiety. Picard: (starts to stammer) Counselor! (his voice goes to a hush) Not in front of the bridge crew! Troi: No Captain. It's not coming from you..... It's coming from Mister Data! (She points at Data) [Everyone looks at Data in shock] All: Data?!? Data: (keeps going about his business) I'm sorry Counselor, it must be the burrito I had for lunch. Worf: (speaks up) Counselor. I forgot to inform you that Runk Forward was serving chili crispitos for lunch. (cocks his head) I'm sorry. I know it has an adverse affect on your abilities. As security officer I take full responsibility. Klingon custom dictates that the Captain pull out my finger nails, expose me to high doses of deadly radiation, and then toss me out into the cold dark vacuum of space. But I will go soft on myself and have my second in command castrate me at the next convenient moment to see that this doesn't happen again. I'm sorry. Troi: (looks at Worf horrified) Not at all mister Worf. Riker: (to Picard) Why don't we give you a lift. Where ever your going, I'm sure it's on the way. Picard: Well... [Riker grabs Picard and throws him down in his chair.] Riker: No. I INSIST! (raises his eyebrows in that Rikeresk manner.) Picard: If it's all the same I'll just keep command until we get there then. Riker: (gestures welcome with outstretched arms) Be my guest! (turns to navigation) Ensign. Lay in an intercept course with the Borg. Ensign: Aye sir! (pauses and thinks) Um..... Sir? How do you do that? Riker: (approaches navigation irritated and stars pushing buttons emphatically.) You push that, then that.... And turn this, then do this. (looks at the Ensign) Got it? Ensign: (shakes his head) [Riker stars back to his chair and takes a seat] Picard: Engage! Ensign: (again confused) Uh.... Sir? How do you do that? [Picard rolls his eyes and casts a glance at Riker who shrugs.] Riker: (mouths quietly) Admiral's nephew. [Picard shakes his head. He rises, pulling down his shirt, and walks over to navigation. He smiles at the Ensign and pushes one button.] Ensign: Oh! That's it! Thank you sir. Picard: (nods and goes back to his chair) Any time Ensign. [Switch shot to Enterprise exterior. Enterprise "stretches" and goes to warp.] [No change in scene, but it is later. The whole crew is tense and there is an uncomfortable silence. Troi shifts uncomfortably.] Troi: (breaks the silence and everyone else cringes) Well... I think we should do something to break this tension. How about a song? [Everyone ignores Troi.] Troi: Okay..... Why don't I start! (She opens her mouth to sing as everyone braces themselves) Worf: (saves the day) Sir! The Borg have changed course to intercept us. Picard: Thank God! Shields up! Riker: Rrrred Alert! Troi: (Gives Picard a nasty look) Data: The Borg are dropping to impulse. (the computer chirps) Sir, an unidentified ship has appeared on the fringes of our scanning range.... I will attempt to get a definite reading. Picard: Could it be the Britannia? Data: (punches some buttons) Negative sir. The Britannia is slowing to impulse and maintaining a position with the Borg between us and them. Worf: Incoming message from the Borg.... Audio only. Riker: Let me guess... (mimics the Borg) We are Borg. Prepare to be assimilated. Picard: Put it on anyway Mister Worf. Worf: Aye sir. (hits a button on his console) Borg Voice: (mechanical) Hailing N C C 1 7 0 1 D, flag ship of the United Federation of Planets. We are Borg, designation Monroe Hill Collective. We request communication and establishment of permanent data transfer. [Everyone on the bridge looks very puzzled] Riker: Don't you mean, you want to assimilate us? Borg Voice: (long pause) Negative. Assimilation is futile. Individuality is relevant. Data: (stops his constant hitting keys on his display and turns to the Captain) Sir..... Picard: Not now Mister Data. Data: The unidentified ship approaching us is also Borg. [Picard and Riker give Data a shocked look. Picard turns to Worf and signals a cut in communications.] Riker: Another cube? We'll be out gunned. Picard: (wiping sweat from his brow) We're already badly out gunned, every with the Britannia assisting us. Data: The incoming ship is not of the typical Borg design. (Data's sensors beep and he turns his attention to them) Sir! The ship is gone! (Data gets a perplexed look on his face) Picard: (to Data) How can you be certain it was Borg? Data: (still perplexed and working to solve the riddle while speaking) The ship emitted signals in the subspace band that we know the Borg use for interpersonal communication. Troi: (starts to hum) Picard: (to Riker) Well, I'll be damned if I have a clue about what's going on. How about you? [Riker scratches his chin and shrugs. Troi hums even louder. Finally, she snaps] Troi: (throwing a tantrum) You NEVER ask MY opinion any more! Picard: (turns to Troi being diplomatic) That's because every thing you say is.... Now what's the word..... Worf: (leans over the tactical console and says in his threatening manner) BLATANTLY OBVIOUS! Data: (interjecting) Or dead wrong. Picard: (turns to thank Worf) Yes! Thank you Mister Worf. Troi: (starts to cry) Picard: (breaking down) Oh, very well. It won't hurt to hear it. Troi: (perks up) Well, these Borg are different...... Picard: (interrupting) Well, thank you very much counselor. Mister Worf, resume communications. Troi: (protesting) But I'm not finished! Borg Voice: N C C 1 7 0 1 D it is dangerous to remain here rendezvous with us at the star system you name Hydra 112346. We will data exchange there. Worf: Communications cut. Picard: Inform the Britannia and plot a course for Hydra 112346. I'll be in my ready room communicating with Star Fleet command...... [Alarms sound] Data: Sir! The unidentified Borg ship has reappeared 20,000 kilometers to starboard! Picard: (looks at Riker) What the heck! Riker: That's what the HELL sir. You really need to work on your swearing. [Exterior shot of the Enterprise from a distance. The Enterprise is head to head with a Borg cube ten times it's size. The Britannia, and Nebula Class Mark II starship, is opposite the Enterprise on the other side of the Borg cube. The irregular Borg ship appears with the cool kind of dimensional rift effect from "Descent". The new Borg ship is a "Descent" class. The cube turns and moves on a course that takes it over the Enterprise's saucer section, perilously close. The scene is the special effects shot of the year and we can feel the power and hear the roar of the engines of the two Borg behemoths. The Britannia banks in a high acceleration turn and bears down on the "Descent" class Borg, making a direct frontal assault. It is dwarfed by the "Descent" class ship.] [Back on the Enterprise bridge.] Picard: Ensign! Evasive maneuvers! Ensign: (confused) What? How do I do that? Picard: (turns white) [Riker jumps out of his seat and pushes the Ensign out of the navigation control chair. Riker takes navigation and starts executing commands.] Data: (busy at the controls) The Borg cube is fleeing. The Britannia has turned to attack the new Borg ship. Picard: (frantic) Suggestions? Troi: (stands and addresses the Captain) I feel...... Picard: Not now counselor! Data: (cocks his head) It would be logical to.... move out of the way. Picard: Make it so! [Same exterior shot again. The Borg cube "stretches" and jumps to warp in a flash of light. The Britannia arcs at full impulse and fires phasers at the new Borg ship. The Enterprise is right in the path of the remaining Borg ship as it powerfully accelerates to pursue the fleeing cube. The Enterprise's engines sputter.] [On the Bridge. The power dies and the lights go out.] Picard: (screaming) La Forge! Geordi's voice: I'm a give'n ya all I can Cap'n [Exterior shot again. The "Descent" class Borg approach the stalled Enterprise even quicker. The Britannia zooms across the path of the Borg ship, but doesn't make it. The Borg ship impacts and plows over the dwarfed Britannia, which vaporizes in a shower of sparks from the impact.] [Back on the bridge] Worf: Would it help if I got out and pushed! [The bridge lights come back on] Data: (calmly reporting) Systems back on line. Picard: (panicked) Get us out of here! [Exterior shot. The "Descent" class Borg ship fills the screen. The Enterprise banks and starts running before it. The Enterprise doesn't accelerate fast enough and is rammed from behind by the immense Borg ship. The Enterprise flips up over the top of the Borg ship, tumbling end over end as the Borg ship disappears in a "dimensional rift" effect like it had appeared.] [Back to the bridge. Everyone is knocked around as the ship tumbles. As the ship lurches everyone, except Picard, tumbles to the left, only Picard tumbles to the right. The ship stabilizes and Data stands. He approaches and helps the Captain to his feet. Everyone else gets up slowly, shaking off their injuries.] Data: (to Picard) Captain. If I may suggest, when you tumble the opposite of the way the camera tilts during the cut of a collision scene it appears that you violate the laws of physics and tumble up hill. Picard: (straightens his shirt) Yes. Well Mister Data, I have been studying the technique of Captain Kirk in such situations and that is exactly what he does. Data: (raises an eyebrow) Intriguing. [The computer chirps] Guinan's Voice: Guinan to Picard. Picard: (puzzled) Guinan, I don't ever remember you calling the bridge before. (to himself) Why do I feel like I've said that before. Guinan's Voice: Well, I sensed that something was wrong when all the drinks started spilling and I had my face plastered against the ceiling. I ruined a perfectly good hat! Picard: (shrugs) [New Scene: A conference in the aft observation lounge. Picard is at the head of the table. On his left sits Riker, Troi, and Dr. Crusher. On his right sits Data, Geordi, and Worf.] Data: (in the midst of a briefing) It appears that the Borg with the new ship design were not interested in us, but only in pursuing the Borg cube. Troi: I actually sensed emotion from both sets of Borg, not the mechanical oneness like before, but more like a crowd rallied by a leader. The Borg in the different ship only felt malevolence though. Most of it was directed at the Borg in the cube, but some of it was directed at us. Dr. Crusher: (shivers) It gives me the creeps. What's up with the Borg behaving so differently? They're almost as and impolite as the Klingons now. Worf: Thank you. Picard: I believe that our only option is to rendezvous with the Monroe Hill collective and find out. But Mister LaForge, it disturbs me how the more "malevolent" Borg can seemingly appear and disappear at will. Geordi: Well.... Err... Sir, I really hadn't thought about it. You see I expected you to yell at me about the ship loosing power and nearly being destroyed.... Do you want to hear that excuse? Picard: (shrugging it off) Maybe later. Worf: (threatening Geordi) Yes. I'd like to hear it too. (Geordi cringes at the tone of Worf's voice. Worf's voice falls to a hush and he leans towards Geordi) Don't let it happen again. I do not enjoy defecating myself out of fear. Picard: (wrapping up) Star Fleet only has one other ship available in this sector to help us. The Excelsior. Riker: Oh no! Say it ain't so! Picard: I'm afraid so Number One. However, I have been informed that there will be a slight delay while Captain Chuck and his crew sober up at starbase 3323q. (Picard looks around the table) Anything else? Worf: (speaking up) I'd like to remind all of you that I will be having a tupperware party tomorrow at 1600 hours in my quarters, assuming of course that we are not brutally killed before then. [The meeting adjourns.] [Shift to bridge. Picard, Riker, Troi, Worf, and Data go to their usual stations. Wesley is already present at navigation. Dr. Crusher and Geordi step exit by the aft turbo lift.] Wesley: (turning to the Captain) Thank you sir for assigning me to duty on the bridge. Picard: (grimacing) We couldn't do without you. But, don't make me regret it. Worf: (under his breath) I regret it already. Data: Entering the Hydra 112346 system. Scanning five planets. One class M. I am detecting a Borg cube in orbit around the second planet. Picard: (looks at Riker and takes a deep breath) Well, I guess this is it. Riker: Ensign Crusher. Lay in a course to rendezvous with the Borg cube. Wesley: Course plotted and laid in. Picard: Engage. [Exterior shot of the Enterprise approaching a planet with a Borg cube orbiting it. The Enterprise moves into orbit with the Borg cube.] [Back on the bridge.] Picard: (to Worf) Open hailing frequencies. Worf: Hailing frequencies open. Picard: This is Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation starship Enterprise. Please respond. [A long pause with no answer.] Picard: (motions to Worf to silence the connection and turns to Data) Mister Data? Data: The Borg ship appears in all respects to be like all the other Borg ships we have encountered. Troi: No. Something is wrong. It's different. Riker: Well of course something is different! These Borg are rude! Not answering our hails..... Data: Captain! [The view screen shows the cube slowly begin to turn. The cube turns to reveal John Casteen's face molded in the side.] [The Crew is horrified] Worf: (hysterical) Not again. Not Mr. Casteen! Borg Voice: (shakes the ship and echoes) We are Borg. Prepare to be assimilated. If you resist us, you will be destroyed. Your life as you know it is now ended. From here forth you will service the Borg. Riker: (deeply worried, but rather shallow) They don't mean "service" in a sexual sense... do they? Wesley: Awaiting your orders Captain. Captain? [Picard stands. He's pale as a ghost] Data: (turning to face Picard) Sir, ordering action at this time would be prudent. Worf: (desperate) What do we do sir?!?! [Close up of Picard's face as the music builds to a climax] Picard: (hoarsely) We're gonna die. [Black screen. Dramatic music, like at the end of Best of Both Worlds Part 1] TO BE CONTINUED