SSSS TTTTTTT AAAA RRRRR TTTTTTT RRRRR EEEEEE K KK S T A A R R T R R E K KK SSSS T AAAAA RRRRRR T RRRRRR EEEE KKKK S T A A R R T R R E K K SSSS T A A R R T R R EEEEEE K K THE N N EEEEE W W CCC OOO L L EEEEE GGGG EEEEE N N N E W W C C O O L L E G G E N N N EEE W W W C O O L L EE G EEE N N N E W W W C C O O L L E G GGG E N N EEEEE W WW CCCC OOOO LLLLL LLLLL EEEEE GGGG EEEEE GGGG EEEEE N N EEEEE RRRR AAAA TTTTTTT IIIII OOOO N N G G E N N N E R R A A T I O O N N N G EEE N N N EEE RRRRR AAAAA T I O O N N N G GGG E N N N E R R A A T I O O N N N GGGG EEEEE N N EEEEE R R A A T IIIII OOOO N N STARTREK: THE NEW COLLEGE GENERATION SEASON 2 EPISODE 6: FAMILY TIES THAT BIND US Written by Spaceman Spiff With Creative Credit to Da Teach Special Thanks to: The Office of PoohBah ================================================================= WARNING WARNING WARNING!!!! DO NOT! I REPEAT! DO NOT READ THE CREDITS NOW IF YOU WANT TO BE SURPRISED! Credits Captain Picard........................Jeffery Computer's Voice................Richard Nuzzy Lt Worf.................................ROCK! Counselor Troi................Heather Higgins Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher.......Timmy Dude Lt Cmdr Geordi LaForge.....Col Hafez Al Baruk Lore............The Evil Lurking in Each of Us Poohbah of Borg.............Shannon Cavalucci Administrator Oh.....................Henry Oh Commander Riker.......................Peeeter Lt Commander Data.......................SPiff Lt Carroll..............................Jason Shamalama of Borg...............The Shamalama Guinan.........................Andrea Rowland Lt Barclay........................John Duncan Dr. Soong...............................Tamir Ensign Yoder............................Steve Spak..................................Mark R. Mikle........Mike Lee Conservative Republican Klingon Ambassador.....................CeeJee Klingons.........................Weedon 100's Idiot Colonists..................UVa Pep Band Excelsior Crew...................Malone 200's ================================================================= [It's pitch black. We hear a couple of groans, but can't see anything.] Picard's Voice: (groggy) Computer. Emergency Lighting. Computer's Voice: Unable to comply. Picard: Well at least I know I'm not dead. The computer replied. Worf: (speaking up in the darkness) It could be hell. Picard: What a cheery thought mister Worf. Worf: That WAS Richard Nuzzy's voice. Troi: (groans) Oh, my head. I feel.... I feel.... I feel like a truck hit me. Worf: (sarcastically) As I was saying..... Wesley: (cheerfully) I'm still here! Picard: Perhaps you're right mister Worf. Geordi: LaForge to bridge. Picard: Commander. How are things in engineering. Geordi: This is REALLY weird Captain. It's like I'm seeing opposite. Picard: What can you see Geordi? Geordi: It's not what I CAN see. It's what I CAN'T see. It's like I'm seeing in anti-photons or something. Wesley: That's not possible in this universe! Geordi: Tell that to my visor. Picard: His visor! That's why we can't see and he can! Geordi: You're probably right Captain. Picard: Can you try to get some of our systems back online. Geordi: I'll try, but seeing as everyone except me is incapacitated it could take awhile. Picard: Understood. Mister Worf. Alert all decks to just hold tight where they are. Have them report in by voice communication. Worf: Aye sir. [New Scene: On board the Descent class Borg ship. A dark figure stands in front of a view screen. The view screen shows the interior of the Copland cube. A communications channel is open.] Borg Voice: We are pleased with your progress. We trust everything is going according to plan? Dark Figure: (the voice sound vaguely familiar) Oh yes. Things are going quite well. I have obtained a specimen for the tests. Borg Voice: Very good. When you have determined the most efficient method of mass extermination we will proceed as planned. How much time will the tests take? Dark Figure: (steps away from the viewer and keeps talking) It shouldn't be long. I have ways of making my subjects....... willing. Borg Voice: Willing or dead? We remember our past dealings with you before the end of our enslavement. You have failed us before. If you fail us again, we will be forced to take drastic action. [The Dark Figure approaches a table. PoohBah is strapped to the table and struggling against the restraints. The Dark Figure reaches out his hand and strokes her cheek with the back of his hand. PoohBah spits in the Dark Figure's face. The Dark Figure restrains himself and wipes his cheek with the back of his hand.] Dark Figure: As you say, that was the past. There were unforeseen circumstances that caused me to fail. My brother..... Borg Voice: Your brother is dead. We witnessed the destruction of the Enterprise. Dark Figure: (remorseful) A terrible loss. I could have done so much with that ship..... Borg Voice: Focus on the task at hand. We will want a report as soon as possible. [The transmission ends.] Dark Figure: (to PoohBah) So you still want to fight? Eh? [The Dark Figure draws back his hand and hits PoohBah across the face. PoohBah manages to get a hand free and hits the figure in the groin, then as he doubles over, she scratches him across the face.] [The camera angle shifts so we see PoohBah laying on the table in front of the doubled over figure. The figure slowly rises and we see his face. It is Lore. He has a scratch across his face that is bleeding. PoohBah swings again and Lore catches her arm with lightening fast reflexes and holds it.] Lore: (smugly) Are you surprised that I bleed? It's one of many augmentations that your people have provided me with. It effectively cleans and reseals a wound without extensive maintenance. (smiles and evil smile) You didn't know that? Well, there are a lot of things you have to learn. [Lore raises his other hand to strike PoohBah and the scene ends.] [New Scene: Data, Riker, Carroll, and Oh all enter a small room with equipment through a small cave-like opening. Oh gets stuck in the opening and Riker and Data have to pull to get him through. When they are all in, Oh approaches a console with a view screen. Carroll is still playing with his paper clip.] Oh: Since I wanted to be a real super hero, I needed a cool hideout like this..... Welcome to the Oh Cave! Riker: Oh brother. Oh: Huh? I don't have a brother. Data: (pointing at the console near Oh) Is this an operating Com panel? Oh: (beaming) Sure is. Riker: Wait! Won't the Borg pick up our transmission then blow us up? Oh: (not liking the idea of his neat little super hero cave getting blown up) That's right. Well, I guess we'll just have to use another com panel. Data: (activating the panel) On the contrary, no need to worry. I have made sure that the Borg ships are situated on the opposite side of the planet. In addition, I will bounce our signal off this planet's third moon, off the inner planet of the Scott system and through the chromosphere of the sun. And all I need to do it is.... a paper clip. [Everyone looks at Carroll] Carroll: (paranoid and rightly so) Oh no! You can't have MY paper clip. I'm using it to make a high energy plasma weapon. Riker: (not amused) I ORDER you to give Data your paper clip. Carroll: NO! (he stuffs the contorted paper clip in his mouth) Riker: (disgusted) Ew! Sick! Oh: Here, I have a bobby pin. How would that do? Data: That would suffice. [Oh removes a bobby pin from his hair. His jet black hair comes off his head. It's a wig! Locks of long golden red hair drape off Oh's head. Everyone is shocked.] Oh: (defensive) What?!? You never seen a redheaded Asian?!? Data: (taking the bobby pin from Oh) You actually look kinda cute that way. Riker: None of the mushy stuff! [Data works at the controls of the com panel] Data: I will attempt to send a message to the Klingon Empire requesting assistance. Riker: Good. Do it. Data: (works for awhile) Message sent. [The com panel chirps and comes to life.] Riker: (alarmed) Data! What did you do?!? Data: (confused and stepping away from the panel) I don't know sir. [The screen of the panel lights up and we see a Borg.] Carroll: (spits out the paper clip in his mouth and cries in horror) It's the Borg! They've found us! ShamaLama: (on the view screen) Ah! They found us! [Everyone starts screaming in dismay in a "Home Alone"-esk way for a couple of minutes.] ShamaLama: (regaining his senses) Wait! You guys are from the Enterprise. We saw the Enterprise blown to bits. Data: That is correct, but we were here on the planet when the Enterprise met it's demise. ShamaLama: We escaped too. Some of us from the MHC. But they got PoohBah! Riker: Who got PoohBah? ShamaLama: The Politicos got PoohBah. Data: I think our first course of action should be to rescue PoohBah. Oh: (confused) Who's PoohBah? Riker: But what about the other Borg? ShamaLama: Our ship is smashed. There is nothing we can do against the other Borg. Our only hope is to find PoohBah and use her wisdom. Data: Do you have any idea of where exactly PoohBah is? Shamalama: We think she is being held by the Hand of Evil on the Decent class Borg ship. Riker: The Hand of Evil? Shamalama: The Hand of Evil is the one who betrayed you to us. [Riker, Data, Carroll, and Oh are puzzled] ShamaLama: Never mind. He's a BAD dude. Data: We're stuck here on the planet. Do you have an operational transporter? ShamaLama: No, we don't but there is an Administrative Base of operations not far from your transmission site. Oh: I know where that is! When the Borg first landed they set up shop there. ShamaLama: There should be a dimensional portal open to the Borg command ship there. You can use it to get to the Descent class ship. We'll provide a distraction in orbit to coordinate with your assault. Do you have any shock troops? Riker: Well.... No. Oh: I can get us some help. They aren't shock troops, but they'll kick some butt. Carroll: (shocked) You aren't going too.......? Oh: Yes I am. I'm calling (dramatic music) THE Pep Band! [New Scene: It is pitch black] Picard: LaForge? Any progress? Geordi: Not yet sir. I'm trying to initiate a low level warp core reaction, but I haven't been very successful. Guinan: Guinan to bridge. You have a second Picard? Picard: Seems like I have all the time in the world. What's up? Guinan: I feel like we've been here before. My species can sense certain things and something is wrong. It's backwards. Picard: What's backwards. Guinan: Everything. Wesley: I've got it! Picard: Well, I guess we might as well ask. What have you got Wesley? A new pimple? Wesley: The reason why Guinan and Geordi see and feel things backwards is because they are. Troi: Wait, you lost me there. Wesley: (continuing) The symmetry. The symmetry of the universe. Charge, Parity and Time. They've somehow become reversed where we are. Picard: What could have caused that? Wesley: I don't know? Troi: (nearly crying) I don't understand. Worf: Shut UP counselor! Guinan: Sounds like Wesley is on to something there. Could the Borg have anything to do with this. Wesley: Maybe..... I need to think. Picard: Well, hurry. God knows what's going on back in the real universe. [New Scene: At the Gooch-Dillard bus stop. Data, Riker, Carroll, Oh, and the UVa Pep band are waiting for the bus.] Riker: (irritated) It's been about fifteen minutes! Where is it? Data: I believe that UTS is now on Holiday service. Oh: Yeah. They are. It's reading days. Riker: (sarcastic) Great. The fate of the universe is in the hands of UTS. [A UTS bus pulls up and the doors open. Lt. Barclay is driving the bus.] Barclay: (chipper) Hi guys! Where you headed? Data: (confused) Lt. Barclay? What are you doing here? Barclay: (smiles) Just supplementing my income. Carroll: No kidding! They don't pay you shit if your a supporting character. [Everyone piles on the bus. Riker, Oh, Data, and Carroll sit down in the front by Barclay. As soon as Carroll sits down he pulls his paper clip out of his pocket and becomes engrossed in bending it.] Riker: (to Barclay) So? Does this bus go by Caruthers hall? Barclay: (genuinely sorry) I'm so sorry guys, but if you want to get to Caruthers you'll have to get off this bus at the chapel, catch a blue buss to U-Hall, jump a maroon bus to the Law School, and take a paisley bus to Caruthers. Data: Mister Barclay..... This is an emergency. Couldn't you just take us there? Barclay: Well........... (gets a wicked look in his eyes. He reaches up and changes the bus sign to "OUT OF SERVICE") I'll get in big trouble for this, but what will they do? Fire me? Hold on! [The back ground music changes from something you would hear on Mister Roger's Neighborhood to "Born to be Wild." Exterior shot of the bus going down Alderman Road. The bus swerves off the road and crashes through the fence around Scott stadium. The bus barrels down the hill, taking half the scoreboard out and all of the shrubs planted as a "V". The bus bounces across the field and smashes through Bryant hall. The tires screech as the bus makes a sharp, and illegal left turn onto Stadium Road.] [Back inside the bus.] Riker: (totally amazed) Alright Barclay! Carroll: (sobbing) You smashed my paper clip!! Barclay: (shifting the bus into overdrive) I'll have you there in two minutes! Data: Doesn't it take twenty minutes to get to Caruthers on the normal route. Barclay: (possessed) This ain't no normal route! We're on a mission!!! Oh: (turns to the back of the bus) Okay troops! Saddle up! It's going to be nasty in there but I want you to take out as many of them as you can! [The back of the bus bustles as the Pep Band starts unpacking their instruments and readying for battle.] Barclay: Brace yourselves. Here we go! [The bus turns and barrels directly at Caruthers across the Barracks road parking lot. The stop light is red, but the bus barrels on, smashing two cars caught in the intersection. The bus screeches up the steps of Caruthers and impacts at the front doors. It crashes through the front lobby and comes to a halt in the midst of a maze of desks and hundreds of shocked Borg. The doors of the bus fly open and the Pep Band pours out yelling "BONZAI!!!" The borg take heavy losses and are pushed back. Riker, Carroll, Oh, and Data emerge from the bus.] Oh: (hands on his waist) AH! I love the smell of valve oil and cork grease in the morning! Data: (Holding his tricorder) I believe that the portal is directly below us. Riker: Let's get to it. Carroll: Wait! I'm done! I've made a high energy plasma weapon out of a paper clip! Riker: Then use it smarty pants! Carroll: (shuffling his feet) I can't I need a 120V, 60Hz standard wall outlet as a power source. Data: (to Riker) Sir. We'll have enough trouble finding the dimensional portal in this maze, let alone find an electrical outlet. Riker: (to Carroll) Hold on to it. We may be able to use it later. [Data leads Riker, Carroll, and Oh off into the maze of desks and temporary partitions.] [New Scene: It's much later in Caruthers hall Oh, Data, Riker, and Carroll enter the scene. They look exhausted.] Carroll: (whining) Ar we there yet? Data: (holding the tricorder) I believe we are (cocks his head) lost. Oh: This IS Caruthers hall. Riker: (points the way they came) I thought I saw Jimmy Hoffa playing basketball with Sabato's head back there. [Everyone grumbles. Oh leans on a wall and falls through! Disappearing without a trace. Only Riker sees the spectacle.] Riker: (dismayed) Oh just was eaten by the wall!!! Data: (flips out the tricorder and scans the wall) This is the portal. (Puts away the tricorder) Riker: Wait! How do we know this is THE portal. [Data and Carroll exchange glances. Carroll shoves Riker through the wall.] Riker: Woah! (disappears) Data: (gesturing) After you. Carroll: No, after you. Data: I insist. Carroll: No I insist. Data: (raises and eyebrow) Carroll: Oh well, I guess just about anywhere is better than being lost in Caruthers hall. (jumps through the wall) [Data follows] [Shift scene: On a Borg ship. Oh and Riker are standing in a standard corridor. A dimensional rift opens in the wall and Carroll runs through. Carroll is running so fast that he hits the wall on the other side of the corridor and falls flat on his back.] Oh: (chuckling) Whomp! There it is! Riker: Where's Data? Carroll: (a little woozy) He was right behind me. [The wait. Several minutes pass. Carroll gets up and brushes himself off.] Riker: (irritated to Carroll) Well? Carroll: (flips out his tricorder and scans the wall) Uh. Ooops. Oh: Ooops? Carroll: The portal isn't there any more. [Switch Scene: Data is in a corridor of a Borg ship. He proceeds with caution, his phaser drawn. He approaches the end of the corridor and it opens up into a large room with a view screen, some control consoles, and a table. Poohbah is laying on the table, unconscious. Data approaches the table. He holsters his phaser and begins to remove the restraining straps on Poohbah. Poohbah awakens and looks at Data. Her look changes from relief to fear as she begins to struggle against the restraints. Data is puzzled and pauses. A pale hand comes to rest on Data's shoulder. Data spins around and see's Lore behind him.] Lore: Surprise brother! (cocks his head) I thought you were dead. We'll have to remedy that. [Lore places a taser like weapon in Data's side and discharges it before Data can react. Data falls to the floor with a thud.] [The camera focuses on Data's head on the floor. There is a blank expression on Data's face. His eyes are still open, but he doesn't move. The sounds in the background become muffled and the scene becomes blurry.] [New Scene: Data's Dream. Data is in a corridor on the Enterprise. He looks around as if he doesn't know where he is. Counselor Troi comes storming down the hall past Data. She is REALLY pregnant. Data steps out of the way and stares. Riker is chasing after Troi yelling.] Riker: It's not my fault! It's not! (stops and addresses Data) I didn't do it! Tell her Captain. (Riker grabs Data and pins him against the wall.) Worf: (appears around the corner carrying a piece of cake. His mouth is overflowing) Mmfh! Wif mint frosting! [Data looks at his uniform collar and looks to see that his shirt color has suddenly changed to red and he is indeed wearing 4 pips, the rank of Captain. Suddenly Riker and Worf gone and Data is again alone in the hall. All sounds become magnified and echo. There is a dripping water noise. Data begins to walk down the corridor, passing a potted plant. He comes to a doorway and looks down. The camera pans down and we see a little girl with long red hair, wearing a baggy mauve jumper sitting by the door. She is curled up in a ball with her head between her knees. The water dripping sound stops. Momentarily she looks up at Data. Her eyes are glazed like Geordi's.] Little Girl: Daddy? [Data begins to open his mouth, but before he can say anything, Lt Carroll comes out of no where and sweeps the little girl up in his arms. Data steps out of the way.] Carroll: (stolid and clinical in manner) Daddy's here. It's alright. [Lt. Carroll acts like Data isn't there as he goose steps off carrying the little girl back the way Data came from. Data turns to watch them go.] [The camera angle changes to show Data's front as he intently looks down the hall after Carroll. Behind him we see a woman in a long flowing white dress with long golden blonde hair. A breeze appears to play with her hair and the folds of her gown. She makes a breathy whispering sound and Data suddenly turns around.] [The camera angle changes and the woman is gone. Data stands alone. His shirt is back to being yellow.] Dr. Soong: (off camera) Data. [The camera pans to show Dr. Soong standing next to Data.] Data: (puzzled) Father, why am I here? Dr. Soong: (chuckles lightly) Because I called you here Data. Data: (even more confused) I don't understand. Dr. Soong: (smiles) You will Data. (chuckles) Something's going to happen...... Something wonderful. [Wash out to white screen] [Show Data laying prone on the deck of the Borg ship, zoomed in on his head. Lore is by Poohbah, who is still strapped to the table in the fuzzy out of focus background. Data's eyes blink once.] [New Scene: It is dark as the darkest of dark nights.] Geordi: LaForge to bridge. I think I've got it set up so that we can maintain a low level warp core reaction. Picard: Very good mister LaForge. Make it so. Wesley: Captain, I think I have an explanation for what's going on. Picard: Worf. Translate into plain English for me. Go ahead Ensign. Wesley: The cataclysmic impact between the Enterprise and the Excelsior caused a sub atomic rift in space which multiplied to astounding proportions because of the recent use of the new Borg "dimensional rift" drive in the vicinity. In effect we have been transferred into a dimesionless bubble. Picard: Worf? Worf: When Wesley the weasel screwed up we had a fender bender with the Excelsior and we got sucked into this new Borg thing-a-majig which lets them sneak up on us and kick our ass. Wesley: Uh oh! I just noticed with parity reversal in effect auto-restart at normal energy output levels could break us down into subatomic particles and gamma radiation! Picard: Uh huh. Worf? Worf: If we don't stop Geordi from starting the warp core the Enterprise will go boom. Troi: (still confused) Boom? I feel..... Picard: (shitting a brick) Boom! Oh my goodness gracious! Bridge to engineering! Don't, I repeat don't......... [Blinding flash of white! BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] [New Scene: On a Borg ship corridor. Oh is sitting munching on Oh Henry (tm) candy bars not particularly concerned about the situation. Riker is pacing nervously. Carroll is playing with the panels in the wall.] Riker: (talking to himself) I'm in command.... I command. I'm in charge.... gotta make a command decision...... (Riker begins to convulse but no one cares) Carroll: Hey! Look what I found! (opens a small panel near the floor) An 120V outlet! Now we can use my plasma weapon. (removes his bent paper clip from his pocket) [Borg begin to come down the corridor.] Oh: (stops eating) Hey look! It's the Borg. Um..... They don't look to friendly. Riker: (terrified) BORG! Oh no! Run away! Run away! [Riker stumbles to his feet crushing Carroll's paper clip and runs away screaming.] Carroll: My plasma weapon! (regaining his composure) Oh! Hold off the Borg while I fix our plasma weapon. Oh: Uh.... okay. [Oh looks around for something to hold the Borg off with. He picks up his bag of Oh Henry (tm) candy and struggles to his feet. He faces the Borg and plants his feet at shoulder width facing the Borg. The Borg slowly approach.] Oh: (extending his hand in a stop motion to the Borg) Stop! In the name of the Federation! [No effect. The Borg advance slowly. Carroll is working furiously.] Carroll: I've almost got it. Hold them off just a bit longer. [Oh takes a candy bar from his bag. With sadness he kisses it good bye and hurls it at the Borg. It bounces off a Borg's head, but they could care less as they continue to advance.] Oh: (a bit discouraged) That didn't work. (scratches his head) [Carroll works feverishly. A big bright light bulb appears over Oh's head and then dissipates as he moves to act.] Oh: (Begins singing) When you are in trouble and you feel you start to sliiiiiiiiide. Give a little whistle. Give a little whistle. Not just a little peep! Pucker up and BLOW! And if you whistle weak, just yell "Jimminy Cricket!" Take the straight and narrow path and if you start to sliiiiiiiide, Give a little whistle. Give a little whistle! And always let your conscience be you guide! [The music continues and Oh starts dancing a little jig. The Borg are unimpressed as they approach. The first Borg reaches out and grabs Oh's bag of candy. Oh screams and runs for cover.] Oh: Eeeeeeeeeeek! Carroll: GOT IT!! [Carroll triumphantly plugs the paper clip...] Carroll: That's PLASMA WEAPON!!!!!! ['Scuse me, "plasma weapon" into the wall outlet. The lights dim in the corridor and the "weapon" emits three pulses of energy. The pluses race down the corridor and disappear annihilating every Borg in their path.] Oh: WOW! Carroll: (bowing) No cash please. Just checks. Oh: (joking around) Fire! Fire! Fire! [Suddenly we see an orange glow at the end of the seemingly endless corridor.] Carroll: (peeing in his pants) Oh shit! Run for it!!!!! Oh: (confused) What the...... (panicked) Oi!!! [Oh scrambles to his feet and runs after Carroll who has taken off down the corridor as fast as he can run. A gigantic fire ball engulfs the corridor.] [New Scene: On the "Decent" class Borg ship. Data lays prone in the background. Lore stand over PoohBah who is still strapped to the table.] Lore: (cackles) Oh! It can't be that simple. It just can't. But it is. (to PoohBah) All we have to do to destroy your people is force you to listen to and watch "The Might Be Giants" music videos for ten hours. Unable to find any real meaning in them, they will be stored in your memory. Then when we return you to your collective it will be introduced into the common conscience and it will eat up all your resources while you try to find the meaning of "Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch" cause it has no meaning!!! (laughs a hideously evil laugh) [PoohBah struggles against her restraints. Lore continues to laugh but is interrupted. The whole ship shakes as if it has been attacked. Lore stops laughing.] Lore: What the......? [Data taps Lore on the shoulder. Lore turns.] Data: Peek-a-boo! [Data slugs Lore across the chin and sends him flying ten feet through the air. (applauds from the audience please) Lore jumps to his feet.] Lore: (that snide look on his face) I love you brother. Always full of surprises. (the ship shakes with another volley of weapons fire) I guess I under estimated you. I won't do that again. Data: Lore I'm going to have to (cocks his head) KICK YOUR ASS! [Scene ends and Data and Lore pose to slug it out.] [New Scene: A blinding light and then the bridge of the Enterprise. Worf is at tactical. Wesley at nav. Troi to the left of the command chair. Picard in command.] Picard: (shaken and confused, but glad he can see again) Mister Worf! Report! Worf: (proudly) Sir. We are back in orbit of Scott II. [The whole ship shakes with a phaser impact.] Worf: Sir. We are in the middle of a fire fight! Picard: Shields up! On screen! [The main viewer flickers and shows the "Decent" class Borg ship being attacked by a severely crippled Borg cube. Another Borg cube is moving to attack the crippled cube.] Wesley: Captain. The intact Borg cube is showing severe energy fluctuations! Worf: I am picking up three Federation com badges on that cube! Picard: (standing) Picard to transporter room! Ensign Yoder! Get them outta there! [Switch to the transporter room. Yoder is working furiously at the controls but one of his arms gets tangled in his long hair and he has to finish the job one handed. The transporter sputters, but Riker, Oh, and Carroll all materialized on the pad, covered head to toe in soot.] Yoder: Got 'em sir! (starts trying to untangle his arm from his hair.) Riker: (stepping off the pad) Ensign? Is that a regulation hair cut? Yoder: Uh... no. Riker: Whew! I'm sure glad it's not! I won't want to have to get one like that. It has a mind of it's own. Carroll: Data?!? Where's Data? [Yoder shrugs] Riker: Riker to bridge we're missing Commander Data. [Back on bridge.] Wesley: I hope he's not on that ship. (points at the intact Borg cube on the main viewer) [The intact Borg cube explodes, blinding everyone on the bridge for a few seconds.] Worf: Ooops. Too late. Picard: Not now number one. I'm about to make something go kaboom. (to Worf) Open fire mister Worf! Worf: With pleasure sir. [ The Enterprise sweeps down on the remaining "Decent" class ship. At the same moment, five Klingon warbirds decloak and commence attack on the Borg also. The Excelsior sweeps down out of no where and joins the fray also.] [Back on the bridge.] Picard: (standing hands on hips) Where's the kaboom? There was suppose to be a wonderful earth shattering kaboom. [New Scene: On the Borg ship. Data and Lore confront each other as the ship rocks with weapons fire. Data's com badge chirps.] Worf's Voice: Enterprise to commander Data. Data: (a little surprised, but not hesitating to question) One to beam up Mister Worf. [Data rips off his com badge and places it on PoohBah who momentarily dematerializes in the transporter beam.] Lore: This is the way I always saw it ending brother. You and me in a great display of mutual annihilation. Data: You forgot to read the script Lore. This is Star Trek. Good always triumphs over evil. [In transporter room two, Yoder helps PoohBah off the pad.] Yoder: (to bridge) It wasn't Data I got. Picard's Voice: Keep trying. His life depends on it. Yoder: Aye sir. [Back on the Borg ship. Lore takes a swipe at Data. Data dodges. The structure of the Borg ship stars to weaken and the beams star collapsing around them. Lore grabs Data in a two handed strangle hold. Data grabs Lore's wrists in an attempt to set himself free. He turns, shaking Lore's grip and Lore flies a couple feet landing on the floor. Lore looks up in horror as a huge structural support falls and crushes his groin, mortally wounding him.] Lore: (in a high squeaky voice) Ouch! [Data approaches the beam and begins to try and remove it from Lore. Lore waves him off.] Lore: (gasping in a chipmunk like voice) No brother. Save yourself. Data: (emotionless) My programming will not allow me to leave you here Lore. Lore: (gasping) You must go. Our father would want at least one of us to live. He is..... Data: (interested) Is? I thought Dr. Soong was dead. Lore: (irritated) Don't interrupt me! Can't you see I'm die'n here! (continuing) Father is......is..... (briefly revitalized) I told you not to interrupt me you schmuck! (Lore convulses and dies.) [Data kneels by Lore and closes his eyes.] Data: (quietly, a tinge of regret in an emotionless manner) Good bye brother. [The transporter dematerializes Data.] [New Scene: Back on the Enterprise bridge. Picard in command. Riker to his right. Troi to his left. Worf at tactical. Wesley at nav. Carroll at ops.] Worf: (to Picard) Sir. Transporter room two reports they have retrieved Commander Data. [Spak walks across the front of the bridge.] Spak: Get your official "I kicked Borg ass" T-shirt. Or the even more popular "Picard got a commendation and all I got was this stupid T-shirt" T-shirt. Picard: (enraged at Spak) That's quite enough! Get off my bridge! Riker: (to Spak) I'll take one of those "Picard got a commendation" T-shirts. Wesley, Carroll, and Worf: (in unison) Me too! Troi: That's incredibly insensitive! Riker: (paying Spak for a T-shirt) So? Picard: (head in his hands) I don't need you on my side counselor. Carroll: The Borg ship is about to blow sir. Picard: (revitalized and excited) My KABOOM? My wonderful earth shattering KABOOM? [Exterior shot of the battle. The Klingon ships with the Enterprise, Excelsior, and crippled Borg cube, ring the Decent class ship. Briefly the Decent class implodes and disappears with a "pop"] [Back on the Enterprise bridge streamers and confetti are falling from the ceiling. Everyone except Picard is dancing and cheering.] Picard: What? Mister Worf? Where was my KABOOM? Riker: Forget it sir! Let the party begin we beat the Borg! Picard: I'm so disappointed! I wanted it to end with a gigantic KABOOM. (sulks) Riker: (shrugs and continues to party) [New Scene: Runk forward. In addition to all the Enterprise crew, there are Borg and Klingons and the Excelsior crew and the Pep Band. Spak and Mikle stand off to the side arguing.] Spak: (to Mikle) You idiot! You told them drinks were on the house?!?!? Mikle: (shrinking from Spak) But it was a special occasion..... Spak: (irritated) Rule of acquisition #35: A special occasion is an opportunity for profit because people are less likely to think about how you are ripping them off when they're celebrating. (Bonks Mikle on the head) [Picard, PoohBah, and the Klingon Ambassador are talking to each other.] Picard: (to the Ambassador) Again, I would like to thank the Klingon Empire for their support. PoohBah: I must join you in those thanks Picard. The sensitivity of the Klingons to the greater good of the spiral arm in commendable. Ambassador: (slightly insulted) Sensitive! Klingons are NOT sensitive! (lightly hits Picard) What else has this WIMP been telling you!?! Picard: (turning red) Look here you blathering wind bag! You are too sensitive so learn to live with it! PoohBah: Perhaps I should rephrase what I said...... Picard and Ambassador: (in unison) Stay out of this! Ambassador: (to PoohBah) You have no idea about OUR politics miss smarty pants! You just come in and think you know it all! PoohBah: (put out) I never...... [Someone in the background yells "fight!" and Runk forward erupts into a sea of hand to hand conflict. Feds fighting Klingons. Klingons fighting Borg. Borg fighting Feds. And the Pep Band, just getting beat up by everyone. Just one huge mess as Picard, the Klingon Ambassador, and PoohBah continue their shouting match. The doors to Runk Forward open and Oh steps in, appalled at what he sees. But he knows just what to do. He sits down at the piano in the middle of the room and begins to play no one pays attention at first.] Oh: (singing the Beatles's hit, "Hey Jude") Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better. Hey Jude, don't be afraid. You were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better. And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain, don't carry the world upon your shoulders. For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder. Hey Jude, don't let me down. You have found her, now go and get her. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better. So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin, you're waiting for someone to perform with. And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do, the movement you need is on your shoulder. [Slowly everyone stops beating the living daylights out of everyone else and starts swaying with the song. Some one in the back of the room shouts "Free bird!" and gets punched out immediately.] Oh: (continues) Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her under your skin, then you'll begin to make it better better better better better better, oooooooh. All: (singing with Oh) Da da da da da da, da da da, hey Jude Da da da da da da, da da da, hey Jude ...... [Everyone continues to sing and hug each other. But we notice Data sitting off in the corner by the window, alone. Guinan is behind the bar, smiling contently at all the happy people. Then she notices Data alone in the corner. She walks around the bar and approaches Data.] [Zoom in on Data alone, contemplating the stars.] Guinan: (approaching Data) You know. I think that the people in this room are like the stars out this window. (she sits down opposite Data) Data: (puzzled) An intriguing hypothesis Guinan. Guinan: (continuing) They are. Look at them. All of them different but all the same and all of them brought together by chance. And together they outshine anyone of them singularly. Data: (shrugs and turns back to the window) Guinan: Data. I'm sorry about Lore...... Data: (doesn't turn from the window) I am incapable of emotion Guinan, but thank you. Your concern is understandable. Guinan: I know that hearing about your father that way is tough. Data: (turns to Guinan) I haven't said anything about my father. How....? Guinan: (patronizing Data) I'm the barkeep Data! It's my business to know things. Data: (opens his mouth to speak) Guinan: (hushes Data) You'll know in time Data. (gestures at the window) Watch the stars in the mean time. [Guinan turns to look out the window. Data shrugs and turns to the window also. Both of them contemplate the stars. Zoom out. Fade to black.] [Music and Credits Roll] =============================================================== PREVIEW Announcer: Next time on Star Trek: The New College Generation! [Exterior of Enterprise parked next to Deep Space Nine] [Switch. Commander Sisco in his office. Data and Worf enter and Sisco stands to receive them.] Sisco: (offering a seat) Welcome to Deep Space Nine. [Switch. Klingon accusing the Klingon Ambassador as Worf and Sisco look on.] Klingon: He is guilty of high treason and moral indecency! I demand his extradition! [Switch to Quark talking to Data on the promenade.] Quark: I know where your father is. [Switch to Ops on Deep Space Nine. Vedic Gwin on the view screen talking to Sisco.] Vedic Gwin: This is a moral outrage! The law of the prophets is quite clear! Both of them must die! [Outside an airlock for a runabout. Data in the hatch. Kira holding a phaser trained on him.] Kira: (sternly) I have my orders. Data: (emotionless) You know I must go and I know you won't stop me. [A pause of dramatic tension. Data disappears through the hatch and Kira drops her phaser. She thinks, then climbs into the runabout after Data.] [In the runabout] Data: (confused) What are you doing. Kira: (taking a seat and preparing for take off. Dosn't look Data in the eyes) I'm coming with you. [Fade to black]