SSSS TTTTTTT AAAA RRRRR TTTTTTT RRRRR EEEEEE K KK S T A A R R T R R E K KK SSSS T AAAAA RRRRRR T RRRRRR EEEE KKKK S T A A R R T R R E K K SSSS T A A R R T R R EEEEEE K K THE N N EEEEE W W CCC OOO L L EEEEE GGGG EEEEE N N N E W W C C O O L L E G G E N N N EEE W W W C O O L L EE G EEE N N N E W W W C C O O L L E G GGG E N N EEEEE W WW CCCC OOOO LLLLL LLLLL EEEEE GGGG EEEEE GGGG EEEEE N N EEEEE RRRR AAAA TTTTTTT IIIII OOOO N N G G E N N N E R R A A T I O O N N N G EEE N N N EEE RRRRR AAAAA T I O O N N N G GGG E N N N E R R A A T I O O N N N GGGG EEEEE N N EEEEE R R A A T IIIII OOOO N N STARTREK: THE NEW COLLEGE GENERATION SEASON 2 EPISODE 7: Worf: Sensitive Klingon Warior Written by Spaceman Spiff With Creative Credit to Da Teach ================================================================= Credits Lt Worf.................................ROCK! Lt Commander Data.......................SPiff Lt Cmdr Geordi LaForge.....Col Hafez Al Baruk Commander Riker.......................Peeeter Doctor Beverly Crusher.................Anita! Captain Picard........................Jeffery Commander Sisco......................Da Teach Qark....................................Jaime Rom...................................Paradox Spak..................................Mark R. Mikle........Mike Lee Conservative Republican Major Kira Neryes.....................Candace Klingon Ambassador.....................CeeJee Kerplunk..............................Jeff Y. Vedic Gwin...........................Kim Mano ================================================================= [New Scene: A childish set on a stage with a cardboard red brick house and a cardboard picket fence. Worf appears stage left and approaches the house at stage right. He stops.] Worf: (bellowing) Little pig! Little pig! Let me come in! [Data, Geordi, and Riker poke their heads out of the cardboard house] Data, Geordi, and Riker: (squealing in unison) Not by the hair of our chiny chin chins! [Worf's eyes widen at the rejection] Worf: (even more threatening) Then I'll HUFF and I'll PUFF and I'll BLOW your house in!!! [Worf knocks down the red brick house with one swipe, leaving Riker, Data, and Geordi exposed crouching on the floor.] Dr Crushers Voice: No! No! NO! Cut! [Dr. Crusher steps out of the shadows and onto the stage. Riker gets up looking pissed. Geordi and Data also get up. Worf turns to face Dr. Crusher.] Riker: (under his breath) Amateurs! Worf: (pleading his case) I put in all the emotion you told me to do! Dr. Crusher: (being gentle) Yes, Worf. And it was VERY good, but you aren't suppose to knock down the BRICK house. Worf: (noticing his error) Give me another chance. I know I can do it. This is a role worthy of a Klingon. Riker: (whining) _I_ should be the wolf. I'm not even the head pig! You know I'm the best actor here Beverly! Dr. Crusher: (being motherly) Now Wil, you know that every one gets a shot at the lead roles in our group. Don't be selfish. Data: Dr. Crusher? Did I have the idiotic smile of the pig who built his house out of straw right? (demonstrates the most idiotic grin in the universe) Dr. Crusher: Yes, that's very good Data..... Now before we make another run though, I want to talk about costuming. Worf. We are going to put you in a cute little calico dress.... Worf: (emphatic) I must protest. I am the Big Bad Wolf, NOT Little Red Riding Hood. AND Klingons do NOT cross dress. Dr. Crusher: (disappointed at Worf's reaction) I thought it would add a surreal look to the play. The Wolf is only a misunderstood persona that is searching for a means of self expression. This costume adds to the clash between the Wolf's masculine and feminine sides. [Everyone gives Crusher a REALLY weird look] Data: Dr. Crusher, do I need to grow hair on my chinny chin chin for the performance? [The Computer chirp all hands.] Picard's Voice: Picard to bridge crew. Report immediately for duty. Dr. Crusher: We'll finish this later. [All nod in agreement and exit] [Fade out] [Theme music and opening credits] [New Scene: Exterior shot of the Enterprise approaching Deep Space Nine. Docking lights are on at the upper left structure off DS9's docking ring. The Enterprise maneuvers to dock there.] Data Voice Over: Second Officer's log. We are docking at DS9 to undergo repairs from our encounter with the Borg and general resupply. [Switch to shot of DS9 Ops. Extras are running about like they have something to do. Data and Worf appear in the turbo lift, step out at approach Sisco's office.] Data Voice Over: During the stop over, Mr. Worf and myself have been temporally been assigned to a special security detail that will be managing an upcoming Federation conference on Bajor. [Data walks towards the doors to the office as if he expects them to open. He smacks right into the door and looks at them in a puzzled way. Worf sighs and hits a button next to the door that opens it. Worf and Data step into Sisco's office.] [Switch to shot in Sisco's office. Sisco looks up from his desk to see Data and Worf enter he stands and offers a hand to Worf.] Sisco: (friendly as ever) Welcome to DS9. Worf: (doesn't shake Sisco's hand, and growls) Sisco: (to Worf) You must be mister Worf. I've heard so much about you. You're just as warm and friendly as everyone says you are! I'm looking forward to having you under my command for the conference. (Turns to Data) And Commander Data. It is a pleasure to meet you also. Data: (grabs Sisco's hand and shakes it vigorously, Sisco looks a bit uncomfortable) I'm looking forward to serving with you sir. [Sisco manages to slip Data's grip and sits down, offering Worf and Data seats.] Sisco: As you know Bajor is hosting a special Conference between the Federation and the Cardassians to clean up some of the issues left over from the Bjoran Conflict. I specially requested your assignment Mr Worf since the Klingon ambassador and his entourage will be attending the conference. I would like to to hand their security arrangements here on DS9 and on the planet. Mr. Data you have been assigned to help aid in the complex logistical problems we are sure to encounter with so many representatives staying on the station and attending the conference planetside. Any questions? Data: What about your station security head? Sisco: Odo? Well, his bucket sprung a leak and... umm.... It's hard to explain, but The Chief is trying to suction him out from under the deckplates right now. Worf: (squirms in his seat) Sisco: Mr. Worf? Worf: (ashamed) Really, it's nothing. Sisco: Out with it Worf! I want you to be open with me. Worf: Well.... (leans forward and hushes his voice) where is the bathroom sir? Sisco: (nods) It's down on the promenade. Worf: (sighs anticipating a quick dismissal) Data: Sir? If I may enquire as to the itinerary of all 20 visiting dignitaries? Sisco: Of course Mr Data..... [Worf become very uncomfortable in his chair as Sisco begins to discuss the plans for the conference with Data in excruciating detail. Minutes then hours pass.] [Much later.] Sisco: ..... that's about it. Data: Thank you sir. Sisco: Dismissed. [Worf is out like a gunshot through the door. Data casually gets up and leaves Sisco's office.] [In ops, Worf dances as he waits for the turbo lift. Data joins him as the turbo lift arrives. Worf jumps on the lift but has to wait as Data takes he sweet time getting on.] [Switch to the promenade. Worf and Data arrive on the turbo lift. Worf runs as the doors open, searching frantically for the bathroom. Data casually walks towards Quark's bar.] [Switch to Quark's bar. Quark, Rom, Spak, and Mikle are at a table cackling.] Quark: (to Spak) It is nice of you to stop by like this cousin. Make yourself at home. What's mine is yours.... for a price. [All four Ferangi's start cackling as if that was the funniest thing the ever heard.] Rom: But brother..... Quark: (bonks Rom on the head) Don't interrupt me Rom! (to Spak) You bring me any business this time? Spak: But of course! I'm going to sell you my worthless brother in law for 2 bars of gold press latinum. Quark: (shrewdly) One bar! Spak: Sold! Rom: But Brother! (spak ignores him) Mikle: (gasping in horror) But brother! I am worth at least 4 bars! [Spak and Quark die laughing] Quark: The forty sixth law of aquistion....... Spak: ...... brother in laws aren't worth hooey! [Spak and Quark laugh again. Rom and Mikle seem rather horrified in their stupidity.] Rom: (stands and pounds his fist on the table) Brother! I have been trying to tell you that the bar is on fire!!! [Spak and Quark stop laughing. Quark looks and sees flames leaping from behind the bar.] Quark: Oi! My bar! [Quark runs for the fire extinguisher. Worf runs in.] Worf: (urgently to the three Ferangi at the table) Were is the bathroom!?!? Rom: (taunting) Why should we tell you KLINGON? Maybe for a price...... Worf: (growls) Klingons do NOT pay off Ferangi scum! [All three Ferangi hiss at Worf like cornered cats. Worf turns and leaves to continue his search for the bathroom. In the background Quark extinguishes the fire behind the bar and sighs with relief.] [Momentarily, Data enters and takes a seat at a table. He looks around intently soaking up the ambiance or lack there of in the bar.] Spak: (hits Quark on the shoulder and points to Data) There's an odd one. He's an android. COMPLETELY unexploitable. Quark: (raises and eyebrow) What's he doing in here then? [The Ferangi shrug in unison. Quark leaves the table with Rom, Mikle, and Spak and approaches Data.] Quark: (to Data) May I get you something? Data: No thank you. I just want to sit. I heard that Quark's bar was a good place to relax. I have been working on relaxing lately. Quark: Oh really? (a glimmer in his eye) Have you ever tried a holosuite? Data: (raises an eyebrow in curiosity and leans closer) [Momentarily we hear a LOUD Klingon sigh and a flush. Worf renters the bar and sits next to Data. He glares at the table of Ferangi as he passes them.] Quark: (Smiles at Worf as he sits) Would you like anything? Maybe something to drink... Or some fresh Gagh. I know you Klingons have a weakness for Gagh. Worf: Is THAT you're brother!?! (glares at the other Ferangi) Quark: No, Spak is my first cousin. You can buy him from me if you want. He's top quality merchandise. He'll do anything, sexual favors...... Worf: (disgusted) I'll just have a blood wine. Quark: (shrugs) If you insist, you're missing a great deal though..... [Quark goes to get Worf's drink. Major Kira enters the bar. The Ferangi notice her and start whistling and giving cat calls.] Mikle: Hey baby! How about a nice ear rub?!? [Kira ignores them and sits down. Quark brings Worf his drink and walks over between Kira and the other Ferangi.] Quark: (to the table of Ferangi) Please! Major Kira is a valued customer here.... Kira: Thank you Quark. [Quark leans on Kira's table.] Quark: (smugly to Kira) And plus..... I've got first dibs on that ear rub. (he pinches her buttocks) [Kira looses her cool and stands, she takes Quark's arm and flips him over on his back. Quark lays on the floor in shock. Worf and Data look on in surprised shock. Worf pours his blood wine in his lap but doesn't even notice. The Ferangi stop laughing and fall silent.] Kira: (pissed at the Ferangi) Okay little men! Who want's the next ear rub?!? [There is a silence. Rom idiotically jumps up.] Rom: I do! Spak: Me too! Mikle: Me four! Spak: (slaps Mikle) That's THREE you idiot! [The Ferangi start quarreling among themselves as to who gets their ass kicked next.] Worf: (impressed with Kira) That was..... impressive. (pause) For a woman. Kira: (takes a seat with Worf and Data) You must be Mr Worf and Mr Data. Data: And you must be Major Kira. Nice earring. Kira: Thank you. I like what the makeup artists have done with your skin color. And Worf. What an impressive job they've done with your head rills. Worf: (flattered) Yes, it is difficult to duplicate the stylish massive head wounds that Klingons inflict on their children's skulls to obtain this vogue look. My complements to you on your nose. It looks just like some one took a paring knife and cut notches in the cartilage. That would be considered very sexy on Klingon. (gives a low growl) If only you Bjoran females weren't so fragile. Kira: (a bit ticked) Who you calling fragile bub? I'll kick your butt in the arena any day. Worf: (laughs) You are a WOMAN! Kira: More than you can handle! You can't even control you're bladder! (points at the wine stain on his pants.) Data: (interrupting) If I may point out..... Kira and Worf in unison: SHUT UP DATA! Worf: (to Data) Really, you can be just as irritating as WESLEY sometimes. (to Kira) But you. I could love you woman. Kira: It's not love, it's toothpaste. Sisco's Voice: Sisco to Worf. I need you in Ops NOW. Worf: Excuse me. I must go. [Worf exits the bar. Leaving Kira and Data alone at the table. There is a long awkward silence.] Kira: (uncomfortable) So, you're commander Data. Data: (matter-a-factly) And you are Major Kira Neryes. Kira: I was wondering.... You don't feel emotions? Data: That is correct. Kira: But you seem lonely. Data: Lonely? I am afraid that you are mistaken. I do not feel..... Kira: No. No. Forget it. I'm probably wrong. It's just when I saw you, you looked LONELY. Data: There is a difference between LOOKING and FEELING lonely. Kira: (throwing up her hands) You're right. (trailing off) I'm sorry.... Data: (cocks his head) But sometimes I do feel an absence. For example, my friend Tasha Yar: Over time I had grown accustomed to her inputs and when she died I felt a loss. More recently I have felt a loss with the death of my brother. (raises and eyebrow) He may be the only link I have left to my father. Kira: (shaking her head in disbelief) Your Father? Your brother? Wow. It seems like you have a whole family. Data: (correcting Kira) Had a family. Kira: But still, it seems that you're really more human than most people give you credit for. I didn't even know my family. Data: (gives and inquiring look) Kira: Well, I guess you could say I was a child of the Bjoran underground. I was an orphan who learned how to share a hatred for Cardassians that bound me to others.... It's a past I really rather put behind me. Data: I too have experience emotion in limited forms; hatred, anger, fear. I could not bear the burden of harboring such emotions. (cocks his head) In many ways it seem that your first emotional experience was much the same as mine. But you seem to have chosen to embrace emotion were I have shunned it. Why? Kira: (smiles) I reacted much like you. I denied myself feeling and emotion for a time. I was cold and unfeeling and some of the things I did I've had trouble living with but (leans in on the table towards Data) there are other emotions Data. And none of us are ALL bad. Data: (seeing the light) Ah! The love you take is the love you make. Kira: (puzzled, the mood has been broken) Huh? Data: An old earth song..... I suppose you've never heard of the Beatles? Kira: (shakes her head) Data: I'll explain another time. (pauses) I am afraid that I will never have the capacity to experience other emotion. The only way I can get that is if I find my father... Kira: I'm sure you'll find him. He'll probably come looking for you. Data: He is probably dead. Kira: Oh. Data, you have a real knack for killing conversations, but still you're easy to talk to. (smiles warmly at Data) Data: (a bit uncomfortable) It's toothpaste. (gets up to leave) I believe we are due in Ops. [Kira, and Data start to go. Quark stops Data and the short little Ferangi crowd around him and paw him.] Quark: (hushed) Data, I know what you are looking for. What you would pay ANYTHING for. (raises an eyebrow) [Data starts to push by the Ferangi. They move into his path and block the door.] Quark: Really Data, it's an opportunity that can't be missed. And I will share it with you for 20 bars of gold press latinum. Data: (cocks his head) Really? I don't have any gold pressed latinum. (tries once again to get around the Ferangi) Quark: (being gracious) Well, then we can make... OTHER arrangements. (smiles a wicked Ferangi smile) Rom: (outraged) But brother! No latinum!! Data: I really must be going. (he finally gets to the door.) Quark: (slyly) I know where you're father is. Spak: (giggling) I'm you're mother Data. Turn to the dark side. [Data stops in the door and turns to Quark, his interest showing. Quark and company cackle gleefully.] [New Scene: In Ops. Sisco is talking to the Klingon Ambassador and another Klingon, Kerplunk. Kerplunk is obviously agitated and the Ambassador hangs his head in shame. Worf and Kira enter by the turbolift. They approach the trio. Kira takes her station at the controls.] Sisco: Mr. Worf, we are having some trouble with the Klingon delegation. Since that is you're specialty...... (sees the stain on Worf's pants) Um. I'm so sorry! I should have given you better directions..... Do you want to go change? Kerplunk: (spits at Worf's feet. Worf stands his ground) I will not stand on the same deck plate as this sub-Klingon. Worf: (controled) Then STEP OVER. Sisco: Mr. Worf is the most qualified officer in Klingon protocol and you WILL deal with him if you wish to stay aboard. Worf: (to Sisco) It is fine sir. I understand that Kerplunk is a third cousin to Duras and MAY hold some hostility towards my family since we kicked their ass. (to Kerplunk, sarcastically) I feel your pain. Kerplunk: (growls) Sisco: (to Kerplunk) Please repeat you're problem to Mr. Worf. Kerplunk: It is a KLINGON matter! Sisco: OUR matter since you are our guest. Ambassador: I request asylum. [Kerplunk hits the Ambassador and he falls to his knees cringing in pain. He has obviously already been beaten.] Kerplunk: I merely want you to release the docking ring on our ship so we can leave. Sisco: Not without this problem of yours resolved. I assume something is wrong since your ambassador is kneeling at my feet asking for asylum. Why shouldn't I grant it to him? Kerplunk: Because he has committed crimes as a Klingon and must stand trial for them. Ambassador: (giving noble resistance) Love is not a crime! [Kerplunk raises his hand to hit the Ambassador again and Worf catches it.] Worf: (growls) You best explain yourself, or YOU will be the one in the brig. Kerplunk: (tears his arm from Worf's vice like grip) He is courting a BJORAN! Klingon law about inter-species relationships is quite clear. It is perverted and sick! [Sisco and Worf exchange glances.] Sisco: I am not familiar with this Klingon law, but could this wait until we are able to contact and consult the Klingon high council? Kerplunk: (impatient) He is guilty of high treason and moral indecency! I demand his extradition! If you stand in my way, it will be WAR! Kira: (cutting in) Commander, there is a message coming in for you from Bajor. Sisco: Not now major. Kira: It is marked urgent top priority. Sisco: (sighs and turns to the screen) On screen. [The screen flickers and Vedic Gwin appears wearing her "Sydney operahouse" hat.] Kira: (under her breath) By the prophets! What an awful hat! Gwin: (hears Kira mumble) What did you say child? Sisco: (turns and glares at Kira) Kira: (gives a very forced smile) I said nice to see you. How's your cat? Sisco: What can I do for you Vedic? Gwin: (sees the Ambassador) Ah. I see you have apprehended him already. Good. You can turn him over to us. We will deal with him. Sisco: I'm afraid that you are not the only one that wants the Ambassador. Gwin: (sopping of insincerity) Commander, I'm afraid that the need of the Bjoran people are paramount here. He has committed a crime. A heinous crime. Sisco: I understand he is in love with a Bjoran woman..... Gwin: You don't understand. This IS a moral outrage! The law of the prophets is quite clear! Both of them must die! Sisco: (to Kerplunk) And I suppose that the Klingon penalty is death also. Kerplunk: (nods) That it is. [Data enters ops. Gwin's eyeballs bulge out of her head.] Gwin: What is THAT! Sisco: (turns to see Data) That is commander Data. Gwin: This is an ABOMINATION! A conscience machine without a soul so close to the home of the prophets! Data: (aside to Kira) What's HER problem? Kira: (aside to Data) You know that the wormhole is considered sacred in Bjoran religion. You're presence here is in some ways a threat to her power. Data: (back to Kira) How could I threaten her? Kira: It takes some explaining, but some might say you are the next Avatar of the Prophets. It's a whole bunch of hooey if you ask me. [Data raises his eyebrow in disbelief. He turns to Sisco.] Data: (to Sisco) Sir, I have a request..... Sisco: (frustrated) TAKE A NUMBER! Gwin: I will not talk to you with THAT here. Sisco: (to Data) Please leave Data. Data: This is an urgent matter sir. Sisco: Commander! You ar trying my patience! Gwin: And mine! Kerplunk: I could care less. Worf: (to Kerplunk) At least you have ONE thing going for you. Sisco: I think you can handle it without me Data, I have more pressing problems. I ORDER you to handle what ever this is on your own. Data: Aye sir. (turns and leaves) Sisco: (buying time) I'm sorry, but it is clear I cannot merely cut the Ambassador in half and give one half to each of you.... Kerplunk: Why not?!? Sisco: (continuing) I will have to consult Star Fleet before I make a decision. Plus, I happen to think the Ambassador is a nice guy so I'm giving him a fighting chance. Until then, we will hold the Ambassador in custody. Kira: (cutting in) Commander, I am reading an unauthorized entry into the Yangtze on runabout pad two. Sisco: (to Kira) Go investigate. [Kira leaves by the turbolift.] Gwin: (enraged that she hasn't got her way) You will be hearing from my love slave, I mean puppet, I mean THE LEADER of the Bjoran Council! [The view screen goes blank.] Kerplunk: (also pissed) I don't like it either. We're leaving NOW whether you detach the docking ring OR NOT! [He pushes Worf out of the way, dragging the Ambassador. Worf doesn't react kindly. He sweeps Kerplunk's feet out from under him and begins to beat him. Worf sends Kerplunk sprawling with his mighty bash. Worf ****DEMOLISHES***** Kerplunk! Kerplunk barely clings to life.] Sisco: WORF! You're with Star Fleet security, not LAPD! So back off ASAP or I'll FUBAR your behind into KP. RSVP?!? Worf: (stands up straight and hangs his head in shame) Sorry sir. But after being a wuss for the past seven or so episodes, I just needed to kick some ass. [The Ambassador makes a break for it while Kerplunk is incapacitated. Worf starts after him. Sisco thinks fast and picks up the baseball he keeps on his desk. He hurls a wicked split fingered fast ball at the Ambassador and........ beans Worf squarely in the back of the head. Worf falls unconscious.] Sisco: Ooops. Ambassador: (jumping in the turbo lift) I'm afraid you were a bit outside the strike zone commander. Might I suggest letting up on the follow through. Sisco: (forgetting Worf) You're right. That would improve my pitch. We'll have to play in the holosuite sometime. Ambassador: (scowls) I might date outside my species, but I don't do THAT commander. Sisco: (yelling after him) NO! Wait! I meant baseball! [The Ambassador exits.] [New Scene: Data and Quark outside the runabout. Quark gives Data a box.] Quark: (instructing Data) Remember take no less than 3 bars of gold pressed latinum for the "free" sample and negotiate a deal for no less than two tonnes per week for 500 bars. Data: (taking the box) But what is it? Quark: It's the way I'll finally get a foothold in the gamma quadrant! My big break. BAKED ZITI! [Quark runs off laughing. Data puts the box in the runabout. Kira appears and draws a phaser on Data.] Kira: Step away from the runabout Commander. Data: Is there something wrong here. There is no logical reason for you to think I am stealing a runabout, so why the phaser? Kira: Are you stealing the runabout. Data: Well..... yes. Kira: There you go. Step away please. Data: Kira, I know that there is a sensitive scared little girl underneath you. And I'm appealing to her when I say I must go. I need to know about my father. I know you understand. Kira: (stone faced) Cut the bull crap android. My innerchild is dead. STEP AWAY! Data: I am determined to go major. I rather be deactivated than not know about my Father. Plus I made a deal with Quark in exchange for the information and I have to deliver this baked ziti to the gamma quadrant before it REALLY starts to smell. My brother is dead. My father is all I have. Kira: (sternly) I have my orders. Data: (emotionless) You know I must go and I know you won't stop me. [A pause of dramatic tension. Data disappears through the hatch and Kira drops her phaser. She thinks, then climbs into the runabout after Data.] [In the runabout] Data: (confused) What are you doing. Kira: (taking a seat and preparing for take off. Doesn't look Data in the eyes) I'm coming with you. Data: But..... Kira: You've got a new partner whether you like it or not. I have a feeling that you might need someone that's been out in the REAL galaxy. Plus, I'm not quite sure how to fire the phaser so I can't stop you. [The Ambassador rushes through the door.] Data: Ambassador! Ambassador: I don't care where you're going! I just want out of here! Klingons can be such asses! Kira: Wow! This is just like being in the resistance again! I love it! Data: I think we should leave before we can't. Kira: Hold on tight! [Exterior shot of the runabout leaping off the lading pad.] [Switch to Ops. Sisco is helping Worf up off the floor. He sees the runabout on the view screen. He drops Worf and Worf falls with a thud.] Sisco: (desperate) My runabout! Can't we have one episode where a runabout isn't stolen! Kerplunk: (barely conscious on the floor) Help! I've fallen and.... [Worf pulls himself up and hits Kerplunk, knocking him all the way out.] Sisco: (glares at Worf) Worf: (to Sisco) Sorry sir. I couldn't let him say it. [Back to the exterior shot. The runabout arks and enters the wormhole.] [Fade to black] TO BE CONTINUED IN '94!!!!