SSSS TTTTTTT AAAA RRRRR TTTTTTT RRRRR EEEEEE K KK S T A A R R T R R E K KK SSSS T AAAAA RRRRRR T RRRRRR EEEE KKKK S T A A R R T R R E K K SSSS T A A R R T R R EEEEEE K K THE N N EEEEE W W CCC OOO L L EEEEE GGGG EEEEE N N N E W W C C O O L L E G G E N N N EEE W W W C O O L L EE G EEE N N N E W W W C C O O L L E G GGG E N N EEEEE W WW CCCC OOOO LLLLL LLLLL EEEEE GGGG EEEEE GGGG EEEEE N N EEEEE RRRR AAAA TTTTTTT IIIII OOOO N N G G E N N N E R R A A T I O O N N N G EEE N N N EEE RRRRR AAAAA T I O O N N N G GGG E N N N E R R A A T I O O N N N GGGG EEEEE N N EEEEE R R A A T IIIII OOOO N N STARTREK: THE NEW COLLEGE GENERATION SEASON 3 EPISODE 5: The Nature of the Beast (1/2) Written by Spaceman Spiff With Creative Credit to Da Teach ================================================================= Credits Klingon Ambassador.....................CeeJee Gowron..................................Blade Lt Worf.................................ROCK! Kerplunk..............................Jeff Y. Captain Jean Luc Picard...............Jeffery Gowron's Aide..................Timothy Hulsey Ashtoon...............................Muneesh Ensign Campbell................Kasey Campbell Counselor Troi................Heather Higgins Lt Commander Data.......................SPiff Wesley Crusher.....................Timmy Dude Commander Riker.......................Peeeter Wing Mahn......................Casey Cosgrove All Klingon Extras Courtesy The Weedon 100's ================================================================= [New Scene: An exterior shot of the capital city on the Klingon home world. Zoom in on the capital building. Dramatic Klingon fanfare music.] [Switch to inside the council hall. Many Klingons are present in ceremonial dress. Klingon Ambassador stands before the council.] Gowron: Ambassador. You stand accused of dishonoring your blood line by thinning it with offworld blood. Unless one will step forward to sponsor you I have no choice but to...... [Shouts in the back of the chamber. A hooded figure enters the hall.] Hooded Figure: (firmly) I will sponsor the Ambassador! [The Klingons grow restless and ask each other who this could be.] Gowron: (demands of the hooded figure) Who are you! State your name before the council! [The figure slowly draws back his hood to reveal his face. It is Worf!] Worf: (defiantly) I am Worf! Son of Mhog! I challenge the HONOR in this law. [Kerplunk leaps from his seat in outrage.] Kerplunk: I must protest! This ditron has no HONOR! He was discomendated...... Gowron: HE WAS REINSTATED BY ME Kerplunk! Since you feel so strongly I will appoint you to be prosecutor. Kerplunk: (defiant) Are we Klingons? Has our blood been so thinned that was allow wusses among us (gestures at Worf). Worf: (growls) Kerplunk: I DEMAND satisfaction. (He draws his knife and steps onto the council floor.) [Worf stands stolid.] Kerplunk: (taunting) Draw your weapon wuss boy! Worf: (calmly) This is not the time or the place for such foolishness. But .... (hushes his voice) if you strike me, I WILL kill you. Kerplunk: (curses in Klingonaise and barks an order) [Kerplunk storms out of the hall and a third of the council follows him. Worf and Gowron exchange glances. Worf stands firm as Kerplunk pushes by him.] Kerplunk: (quietly to Worf) I will have my revenge. Worf: (raises an eyebrow) And I will have my honor. Will you? Oh, and watch that first step out the door. It's slippery. [Kerplunk curses again and leaves with his minions. He slips and falls in the door. Worf suppresses a snicker. Kerplunk quickly stands up and looks around accusingly. He turns and when he is gone the council erupts in laughter.] [Theme music and credits roll.] [New Scene: Exterior shot of the Enterprise entering orbit around the Klingon home world.] Picard's Voice: Captain's log. Stardate 47652.1. We are making a special stop at the Klingon homeworld to pick up mister Worf. It is my understanding that he has successfully sponsored the Klingon Ambassador's of the charge against him and ushered in a new era of Klingon law. [Switch to Ambassador's office. Worf is present.] Ambassador: (to Worf) I am forever in you're debt Worf. I am pleased to see that not only you, but other Klingons can see past Honor to what is right. Why, I hear that they are now rethinking all of the Klingon penal system just because of the ideas you planted here. Worf: (puzzled and a bit dismayed) But there is only one penalty in the Klingon system.... death. Ambassador: (chuckles) Not anymore Worf, we're becoming a forward thinking race! Now we'll have two penalties for crimes. Worf: (crinkles his nose) Two? Ambassador: Why yes, death and a public spanking. Worf: (perturbed) I would rather die than receive a public spanking! Ambassador: (chuckles) You were always funny that way Worf, but that's okay because the accused get's to pick which he gets. Worf: (horrified) But Ambassador! Wouldn't it be a better improvement if we added a trial for the accused to the system instead of immediate punishment...... Ambassador: Don't be silly Worf! This will fix everything wrong with the system. Why, criminals will be turning themselves in when they find out that instead of being killed they can just get a public spanking. And there's talk of adding a third sanction. Worf: (even more exasperated) A third.... Ambassador: Yes, a public display of humiliation.... A public pie-in-the face punishment. Of course, we won't let them pick the type of pie.... It would have to be banana cream. [Picard enters the Ambassador's office and Worf and the Ambassador turn to take notice of him.] Ambassador: (gesturing kindly) Captain Picard! I believe I am as much in debt to your crew as to Worf. (grabs Picard's hand and begins to shake it vigorously.) Picard: (uncomfortably) Yes. Well, it's really just all a blur of insanity of me. Ambassador: (laughs and thumps Picard on the back) Let us go to the council chambers. We're going to honor Mr. Worf today. [The Ambassador heads for the door. Worf and Picard hesitate and exchange glances.] Picard: (whispers to Worf) I can't remember what we did! Worf: (whispers back) THAT is nothing. I've been BAD captain..... Kill me now! (Worf falls to his knees and offers Picard his knife) Picard: (shocked) Mr. Worf! The Klingons want to honor you! How could that be "bad?" Worf: (looks up terrified) Captain, you don't understand. I've single handedly turned all the Klingons into wusses! [Dramatic music.] Picard: (laughs) I'm sure you're exaggerating Mr. Worf. Let's get going to the ceremonies. [Picard exits. Worf scrambles to his feet and follows him.] [New Scene: The Great Klingon Council Hall. It's been painted pink. There are flowers everywhere. A little pink bunny rabbit hops across the scene and the Klingons politely step out of it's way. All the council members, including Gowron are dressed in frilly dresses. Picard stands there in shock next to Worf.] Picard: (speechless) I don't know what to say mister Worf. Worf: It is a disgrace to Klingon culture..... Picard: (snaps out of it) Well, Worf. We have to give change a try...... Worf: (shakes his head) Green is definitely NOT Gowron's color! (gestures towards Gowron who is wearing a lime green dress with white lace and frills.) Picard: (smacks himself on the head) Oh brother! [Gowron walks to his seat to preside over the council with his aide, who is dressed in a hideous shade of lavender.] Gowron: May the Great Council come to order. [Gowron's aide whispers something in Gowron's ear. Gowron looks frustrated.] Gowron: (clears his throat) PLEASE! Picard: (aside to Worf, gesturing to Gowron's new aide) Who is THAT? Worf: (back to Picard) THAT is the new protocol aide. HE will make sure that correct manners are followed and that everything is PC. Picard: (silent horror) For the love of God! Gowron: (addressing the council) PLEASE, come to order. (Things settle down) Very good. Now if I may, our first order of business is the new order.... [Gowron's aide whispers in Gowron's ear.] Gowron: (clears his throat) I mean... directive that little fuzzy bunny rabbits..... [Gowron's aide again interrupts him.] Gowron: (rolls his eyes) I MEAN... altidudinaly challenged, aesthetically pleasing rodents with deficient hair follicle growth..... will be considered an endangered (catches himself) I mean, disadvantaged species and stepping on one...... Klingon Aide: (chimes in) Including: stomping, crushing, smashing, kicking, hitting, shooting, throwing, eating alive, rolling, dropping, impaling, spearing, AND taunting....... Gowron: (motions thanks) Will result in a public pie-in-the- face punishment. Klingon Aide: (amending) Coconut cream, of course. [Everyone in the council room mumbles and rolls their eyes.] [New Scene: The last dark and dingy alley on the Klingon homeworld. A work team of Klingons in busy cleaning up the trash and painting the walls bright colors at the head of the alley. The work teams starts down the alley. A hooded Klingon steps out of the shadows with a sword. He swiftly cuts off one of the workman's arms. The workman screams in pain as the hooded figure plunges his sword deep into the workman's chest. The workman briefly convulses and dies as his comrades run off screaming. Another figure steps out of the shadows and sarcastically claps. It's Kerplunk.] Kerplunk: (taunting) Impressive brother. We need to see more of that here on the Klingon homeworld. [The hooded Klingon throws back his hood and pulls his sword from the workman. He wipes the blood on the sword off on his tunic.] Ashtoon: Yes brother. And I know of many others that would also be willing to clean this world of alien influence. Kerplunk: (nods and smiles a wicked smile) Good..... I have the weapons and you have the men. Soon I.... I mean WE will sit at the head of the council. Ashtoon: (growls) Do not betray me Kerplunk. I will be forced to bring the wrath of HELL down on you. Kerplunk: (laughs it off and puts his arm around Ashtoon's shoulder) I've been through hell. (looks around him) And I think I prefer it to what the homeworld is now. Ashtoon: (growls) GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME! Kerplunk: (pulls away quickly) Well... Umm.... Yes.... This will be a most productive partnership. [New Scene: Aboard the Enterprise Bridge. Riker is in command. Troi to his left. Data at Ops. Wesley at Nav. Campbell at tactical. Worf and Picard get off the aft turbo lift. Worf is wearing a crown of flowers. Riker sees Picard and gets up out of the command chair. Worf approaches tactical and sees Campbell.] Troi: (noticing Worf's flowers) That's a nice change for you Worf. It compliments your eyes. Worf: (glares at Picard) YOU replaced ME with a WOMAN!!!! Picard: (being diplomatic) Now settle down Worf...... Campbell: (to Worf) Stuff it up your ass...... SIR. Worf: (grunts) [Campbell leaves by the aft turbo lift. As Worf takes tactical.] Riker: (also noticing Worf's flowers) Mister Worf. (grins ear to ear) I believe that you should thank the Counselor for her compliment. Worf: (mumbles) Thank you. Picard: (attempting to explain) There has been a change among the Klingons and they are now awarding flowers for honorable acts. Worf received these as a high Klingon honor. Troi: I thought I had sensed that the Klingon home world had become a happy little planet. (smiles at Worf) Worf: (growls) Data: Sir. We are receiving news of a coup on the Klingon home world. Worf: (eyes growing wide as he looks at his console.) A message is coming in from Kerplunk. Picard: On screen! [The viewer flickers to show Kerplunk] Kerplunk: Attention aliens. The Klingon government is experiencing (raises an eyebrow) "technical difficulties." As new leader of the High Council, I am issuing a proclamation to remove all unclean alien influences from the Klingon home world. All diplomatic envoys and embassies must be removed within 50 hours. All aliens remaining will be slaughtered for crimes against the Klingon people. End transmission. [The viewer goes blank and everyone on the bridge exchanges concerned glances.] Worf: (desperate) Captain!! Picard: (turns to Worf) We are doing nothing mister Worf! Inform StarFleet command. Riker: I'll start planning evacuation of Federation citizens. Picard: (nods) Very good. [Riker stands and starts to leave.] Data: (busy at Ops) I would hurry Commander. It looks like there is going to be a fight. [Exterior shot of the Enterprise. A fleet of Warbirds led by a K'vort class cruiser.] [Switch back to the bridge.] Worf: Commander Wing Mahn is hailing us. Picard: On screen. [The screen flickers and Wing Mahn appears, dressed for battle.] Wing Mahn: (sternly) I just wanted to make it clear Picard that you are to stay out of this. Picard: (nods) Understood. This is an internal Klingon matter. Worf: (speaking up) Sir. If I may address Commander Wing Mahn.... Picard: (nods) Worf: (to Wing Mahn) Sir. I request permission to fight for the freedom of the Klingon home world. Wing Mahn: (a bit surprised) Oh... All right. I could use a good tactition. Of course, this depends on what your current commanding officer has to say...... Picard: Permission granted. Wing Mahn: Then it is settled. Report for duty on my ship Mister Worf. It will be rough. There are still those among us that consider you sub slime. Worf: I will prove my worth sir. Wing Mahn: (looks at Worf weird) I would suggest you loose the flowers in your hair... Worf: (embarrassed, removes the flowers) Yes sir. Picard: Kaplah Wing Mahn! Wing Mahn: I'll try not to kill too many Federation citizens Picard. [The transmission ends and the screen goes blank.] TO BE CONTINUED..... [Fade to black] [Theme music and credits roll.] Next week... "For the Glory of the Empire!"